{…First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage…}

Note: I share this story for the purpose of encouraging anyone who has faced miscarriage. But as a dreamer, I can’t help but think of, and share this message with, the ones who have had a miscarriage of the big dreams they once had. Your story is NOT over.

By many accounts, the pressure to “perform” after getting married (i.e. to have that first pregnancy) is real.  No sooner has a couple gotten married, than well-meaning well-wishers begin asking them when they are going to have a baby.  My experience was not different.  God forbid you gain a few pounds. People start throwing around the P-word (“Oh are you pregnant?”).

A few months after my first marriage, I woke up in the worst pain I had ever felt.  The pain came in waves, like the contractions I had seen on many a movie or TV show. Surely it was too early to be having contractions? 

I went to the bathroom and discovered major bleeding. Naively, it did not occur to me that I was experiencing a miscarriage.  My (then) husband drove me to the hospital, where tests were done, the pain relieved, but the bleeding did not stop.  In the end, we were told that we had lost the baby and that I had fibroids.  We were asked if we wanted to see the baby and give him (it was a boy) a name. We chose to see the baby and he was not as big as my hand.  We were told that it was nothing to worry about, that these things happen to many. 

Regarding the fibroids diagnosis, I wasn’t worried.  My mom had been diagnosed with fibroids and had gone on to have all 3 of her children without having them removed.  In fact she did not have them removed until I was an adult (she had a hysterectomy). So I knew that I would try again, with the fibroids in place.

The next 2 pregnancies were lost at around 12 weeks and the 4^th pregnancy lost around 26 or 27 weeks (similar to the 1^st pregnancy).  At that stage it goes from being called miscarriage to being called a stillbirth.  When I had lost the 4^th pregnancy, the doctor told me that this would continue to happen if I did not have the fibroids removed.  Although I had wished that my outcome would be similar to my mom’s, it was looking like my story would be different. So I decided to have them removed.

I found a specialist and set a date.  After I woke up from surgery, the doctor came in to see me and gave me devastating news.  Unfortunately, part of my fallopian tubes had been removed while removing the fibroids and I would not be able to get pregnant again, except via IVF (in vitro fertilization).  I cried and cried!! Even though I had lost 4 pregnancies in a row, at least I had been able to get pregnant up until this time. Now it would require IVF.  Where would we get the money for that?

But God! God is a faithful God.  Even while trying to come up with the money for the IVF procedure, I kept praying and believing.  I read stories of countless women (several in the Bible) who had had supernatural childbirth and I began to claim the same for myself.  And about two months later, even though the Doctor had said it would not happen without medical help, I was pregnant!

I went on to have my first son the next year!  Not only was I ecstatic, I was also content. The rhythm of my new life as a mom was perfect. Sleepless nights were welcomed because I had my miracle and he was worth it. 

When my son was a little over a year old, I began to think about a sibling for him. I was fine with one child, but I thought he might want someone to play with. I didn’t want to ask God for too much, after all, He had given me this precious miracle. So I tiptoed around my desire for a sibling for my son. And God in His mercy granted my heart’s desire. I initially wanted a girl, but when the doctor told me it would be another son, I was very happy.

This post is for you even if you have never experienced a pregnancy miscarriage (I pray you never do) but maybe you’re in a situation where the dream you were carrying, your “baby”, has come to an end. Maybe you face divorce, death of a loved one, or loss of a job or house. I can’t tell you how your story will end, but please allow me to encourage you to believe that your story is not over.

The endings to our stories will vary, for sure. For me, God gave me children that I birthed, but prior to that I reached a point where I knew that if He did not, I would be OK. For someone else, He may open the door for adoption. For another he might allow childbirth through IVF or even surrogacy. Or He might cause another to realize that they can live a rich and fulfilling life without children of their own, but by sowing into the lives of others’ children. However God chooses to handle it, rest assured that miscarriage is not the end of your story.